The numbness
Everyone gets it.
Some more often than not
I can’t explain what’s going on.
The songs are yelling at me as the rain drowns me in.
The thunder like a wave of something angry yet comforting.
Can I go dancing?
To walk through the thick dark cloud knowing a strong embrace is waiting on the other side.
A headache
Something drilling at my skull that won’t budge
Won’t let loose
Immobilized
Though the lights are on my vision darkens and becomes unreadable
Nothing else is around me
The need to type is a constant reminder that in some cases I have no control
I have to do this.
Keep writing nonsense
Make things go in circles
Stop!
Dizziness
Where are you?
A maze dense with deep forest green
Blockages
Wrong ways
Why have you gone and left me?
What happened to what was, what use to be?
How did we end up this?
What went wrong?
Sorry, I can’t go back and change it
What done is done
Forgive me
The dead of winter in a wooded forest, snow on the ground untouched.
Walking, the white Burch bark trees speak in whispers
Can you hear me?
I’m waiting for you
Fear is struck
Heart quickens
Breathing thins
Running
Careful, don’t trip!
I’m right behind you
Oops you slipped
Freezing cold
Unbearable
Water
Choking
Unable to move
Help
Fading quickly
Falling fast
Moving is harder
Why?
I can’t grasp what you’re handing me
Why are you laughing?
Is something funny?
Can I know why your eyes are a dark muddy brown filled with something I can’t read?
What have I done now?
Numbness
My eyes are closing
Since when did you become so cruel?
I’ve hit bottom
My hair light weight
My clothes solid bricks
What happened to the sunny days?
The cool breeze on a hot summer’s day
The laughter
Smiles
The longing of each other’s embrace
I’m moving
Where to?
And
How?
A pull
A surge of whatever may be
Brightness enclosed by darkness
Eyes of an unknown colour
Strong hands from a rough days work
Male
I can breath
But faintly
My heart works
But softly
I’m unable to move on my own
Carried
A cloud has lifted my solid self
No sounds
No crash of the hidden water
No you
But why?
Warmth is calling me
Am I allowed to go?
Have I been given permission to do what is asked?
Slumber
A path unlike any other
Bold colours
Enriched detail
I’ve been here before
The smell of pine, earth and sweet grass
White pines bigger round then when we first met
The ground easy to move on and visible of hidden things
Safe
Secure
Sheltered
Untamable
Your eyes follow my every move
Muddy brown that were once warm
You should have left
Be gone for I no longer have willed to see you
Your embrace brings back what I do and don’t want
Leave me be
I have died yet you somehow follow
I turn from you
From this unknown person I thought I knew
A dress of flowing white softness caress my fragile body
As my bare feet gently touch down on the mossy ground
My hair catches wisps of current and flows about my face
My eyes see and now I know
I’ll be watching you
Again in years to come we will meet
Until then
Good-bye
The numbness
Everyone gets it.
Some more often than not
I can’t explain what’s going on.
The songs are yelling at me as the rain drowns me in.
The thunder like a wave of something angry yet comforting.
Can I go dancing?
For now on, know you are not alone in this vast world. It will get better.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Just You By; Jenalle Lyddon
My heart clenches.
And I can't breathe
This chokehold is not a terrible thing
Just one I'm uncertain of.
Eyes watering
The tears fall before I can catch them
How does one cope with these intense feelings?
Being away makes it harder
Yet
There will always be a distance
One not so easy to reach
But here I am
Wanting
Almost craving
Your attention
Finding it hard
And hating myself
Yes
No
Please?
Heads' spinning
A need
Yet not
Confusion
But I want you...
Just you
And I can't breathe
This chokehold is not a terrible thing
Just one I'm uncertain of.
Eyes watering
The tears fall before I can catch them
How does one cope with these intense feelings?
Being away makes it harder
Yet
There will always be a distance
One not so easy to reach
But here I am
Wanting
Almost craving
Your attention
Finding it hard
And hating myself
Yes
No
Please?
Heads' spinning
A need
Yet not
Confusion
But I want you...
Just you
This is only the beginning..
There is much more to say yet the words never came.
So here I am waiting.
Yet not knowing what to do or to say..
I'm stuck on what has yet to happen.
To come my way....
A Cutter's poem By; Jenalle Lyddon
A Cutter's Poem
Some days the blade feels closer than Heaven
Days are close and so is the arm
Red marks are that are left, deep lines showing the way
The days are numbered
Slowly by slowly the blade cuts deeper than it should
Trickling down the arm, blood flows out the gash that is left
All the pain that was ever felt is gone and happiness is what’s left over
Sometimes it’s light out but darkness creeps upon it swallowing it up with it and everything else
Day by day the pain is gone and put with different things.
Getting deeper as the time goes by
Now it’s harder to stop.
Keeps coming and everything is spinning around.
Now there’s a big puddle on the ground.
Can’t make it stop, it won’t go away.
All that is heard are faint screams as darkness takes over once again.
But light won’t appear for too much is gone.
No more pain shall I feel for now I am gone.
The blade that was once held in the hand of sorrow and pain, is laid upon the grave where thy lay.
Some days the blade feels closer than Heaven
Days are close and so is the arm
Red marks are that are left, deep lines showing the way
The days are numbered
Slowly by slowly the blade cuts deeper than it should
Trickling down the arm, blood flows out the gash that is left
All the pain that was ever felt is gone and happiness is what’s left over
Sometimes it’s light out but darkness creeps upon it swallowing it up with it and everything else
Day by day the pain is gone and put with different things.
Getting deeper as the time goes by
Now it’s harder to stop.
Keeps coming and everything is spinning around.
Now there’s a big puddle on the ground.
Can’t make it stop, it won’t go away.
All that is heard are faint screams as darkness takes over once again.
But light won’t appear for too much is gone.
No more pain shall I feel for now I am gone.
The blade that was once held in the hand of sorrow and pain, is laid upon the grave where thy lay.
A Death Not Wanted By: Jenalle Lyddon
A Death Not Wanted
What more could happen?
Mommy is gone and I feel as though there’s nothing left.
Daddy doesn’t care,
He doesn’t care where mommy went.
Mommy I miss you, please come back, I don’t know what to do.
It hurts mommy, the pain is just too real
Mommy please come back, as the days pass by the pain is getting worst.
Bruises are seen everywhere too hard to cover up, friends and teachers wonder how they got there.
I’m too ashamed to open my mouth, too scared for what might happen next.
Mommy please come back.
Mommy now doctors are concerned and Daddy won’t tell them the truth, there’s nothing I can do.
Mommy it’s too late, I’m sorry I can’t hold on, I’m sorry it had to end this way.
I’m gone to a better place, my body, mind and soul can finally be at peace.
Mommy please come back but know that I’m not going to be there.
All I wanted was for you to hold me when I pass from this world.
Mommy please com back and know I didn’t want this.
What more could happen?
Mommy is gone and I feel as though there’s nothing left.
Daddy doesn’t care,
He doesn’t care where mommy went.
Mommy I miss you, please come back, I don’t know what to do.
It hurts mommy, the pain is just too real
Mommy please come back, as the days pass by the pain is getting worst.
Bruises are seen everywhere too hard to cover up, friends and teachers wonder how they got there.
I’m too ashamed to open my mouth, too scared for what might happen next.
Mommy please come back.
Mommy now doctors are concerned and Daddy won’t tell them the truth, there’s nothing I can do.
Mommy it’s too late, I’m sorry I can’t hold on, I’m sorry it had to end this way.
I’m gone to a better place, my body, mind and soul can finally be at peace.
Mommy please come back but know that I’m not going to be there.
All I wanted was for you to hold me when I pass from this world.
Mommy please com back and know I didn’t want this.
I Watched You Go By; Jenalle Lyddon
I watched you go; you’re too far out of my reach now.
I was there when everything happened.
The bright lights, the screaming, everything.
We both wore our belts and tried to move out of the person's way.
The rest comes as a blur but all I can remember was calling your name, hoping you'd respond.
Flashing lights are now around me, helping me out, I don't know where you are and I franticly look about.
I then look at the car.
Tears flooded me face and I fell to the ground.
Hugging my knees while rocking back and forth, a man came up to me.
You left me that night, which seemed perfect at the time.
You were my friend, the one I looked up to.
You were the world to me.
You were my mom, my dad, my aunt, my uncle, my cousin, most of all, my sibling.
You gave me the inspiration and courage to face the world.
Now I stand at your grave, crying silent tears of that night we shared for the last time.
I wished it was me that was taken from the world instead of you.
I can’t look at anyone anymore with those happy eyes.
Everything left me on that night even though it took forever to get a smile to spread my face.
I’m now gripping your tombstone as if it were you, the way I used to.
I fear to get into any car again.
It’s been hard these years without you,
Out of our family and friends, you were the closest to me.
We kept your room the way it was before the accident.
I’m the one that goes in there all the time, wanting to see if I can feel your presents or hear your voice.
Sometimes I would sneak in your room at night just to think you would come in an hour later to kick me out.
As reality comes back to me so does a flood of fresh tears.
I cling to your pillow as I cry myself to sleep.
I watched you go and now you’re too far for me to reach.
I was there when everything happened.
The bright lights, the screaming, everything.
We both wore our belts and tried to move out of the person's way.
The rest comes as a blur but all I can remember was calling your name, hoping you'd respond.
Flashing lights are now around me, helping me out, I don't know where you are and I franticly look about.
I then look at the car.
Tears flooded me face and I fell to the ground.
Hugging my knees while rocking back and forth, a man came up to me.
You left me that night, which seemed perfect at the time.
You were my friend, the one I looked up to.
You were the world to me.
You were my mom, my dad, my aunt, my uncle, my cousin, most of all, my sibling.
You gave me the inspiration and courage to face the world.
Now I stand at your grave, crying silent tears of that night we shared for the last time.
I wished it was me that was taken from the world instead of you.
I can’t look at anyone anymore with those happy eyes.
Everything left me on that night even though it took forever to get a smile to spread my face.
I’m now gripping your tombstone as if it were you, the way I used to.
I fear to get into any car again.
It’s been hard these years without you,
Out of our family and friends, you were the closest to me.
We kept your room the way it was before the accident.
I’m the one that goes in there all the time, wanting to see if I can feel your presents or hear your voice.
Sometimes I would sneak in your room at night just to think you would come in an hour later to kick me out.
As reality comes back to me so does a flood of fresh tears.
I cling to your pillow as I cry myself to sleep.
I watched you go and now you’re too far for me to reach.
Star Crossed Lover By; Jenalle Lyddon
The folds of your fingers in between mine, the heat that radiates from our palms.
You are the unknown that I crave.
The one I long for to fill the emptiness within me.
My smile widens its true smile as your eyes show wonder and enjoyment.
We are happy.
The soft graze of your hand upon my back, your laugh deep and daring.
Being taller as dark hair sweeps your forehead.
The way you hold yourself with confidence and grace.
Everything about you draws me in.
When embracing I feel safe and secure.
This is right, I know it.
Once we find each other we won't need another.
No one else made to be put in the way.
When we meet, will we know at first glance?
Your lips kissable and addicting.
Your body intoxicating.
Is sleeping going to be put on hold?
Feeling like I'm needed, like I'm loved and cared for, is all that I wish for.
As our bodies intertwine with one another and fantasies explored, the waking morn will remind us of the previous night. Waking to feel your arms wrapped around my waist as my head lies upon your chest.
You are all that I long for.
You are my other half I have yet to find.
Star crossed lover.
You are the unknown that I crave.
The one I long for to fill the emptiness within me.
My smile widens its true smile as your eyes show wonder and enjoyment.
We are happy.
The soft graze of your hand upon my back, your laugh deep and daring.
Being taller as dark hair sweeps your forehead.
The way you hold yourself with confidence and grace.
Everything about you draws me in.
When embracing I feel safe and secure.
This is right, I know it.
Once we find each other we won't need another.
No one else made to be put in the way.
When we meet, will we know at first glance?
Your lips kissable and addicting.
Your body intoxicating.
Is sleeping going to be put on hold?
Feeling like I'm needed, like I'm loved and cared for, is all that I wish for.
As our bodies intertwine with one another and fantasies explored, the waking morn will remind us of the previous night. Waking to feel your arms wrapped around my waist as my head lies upon your chest.
You are all that I long for.
You are my other half I have yet to find.
Star crossed lover.
Soreful Tradigy By; Jenalle Lyddon
Soreful Tradigy
Hold on.
You have to fight it.
You can, you’re strong.
Please.
Stay with me…
Those words I spoke, remind me everyday that I lost you.
I wanted desperately to hold onto you, to let you know that I loved you one last time.
My throat aches.
My lungs clench.
My stomach lay in heavy knots that won’t loosen.
You made the days pass with smiles and laughter.
I was beyond happy.
Overjoyed.
You were taken from me when I said I’d always be there for you.
I couldn’t help you.
Why wasn’t it me instead of you?
My mind clings to your beautiful eyes.
Your silky smooth hair catching the wind, blowing wildly…
I’ll never be able to forget you.
Things destroy others happiness, you were mine.
I’ll move on and wait until I can see you again.
My beautiful melody…
A voice like an angel…
Heaven hold you high.
When my time comes to an end, I’ll return to you.
To once again capture you in my grasp, never wanting to let go…
You are my beloved that left before I could make you my bethrolled.
You are my treasure that is forever within my heart and my soul…
Until we meet again…
My soreful tradigy.
Hold on.
You have to fight it.
You can, you’re strong.
Please.
Stay with me…
Those words I spoke, remind me everyday that I lost you.
I wanted desperately to hold onto you, to let you know that I loved you one last time.
My throat aches.
My lungs clench.
My stomach lay in heavy knots that won’t loosen.
You made the days pass with smiles and laughter.
I was beyond happy.
Overjoyed.
You were taken from me when I said I’d always be there for you.
I couldn’t help you.
Why wasn’t it me instead of you?
My mind clings to your beautiful eyes.
Your silky smooth hair catching the wind, blowing wildly…
I’ll never be able to forget you.
Things destroy others happiness, you were mine.
I’ll move on and wait until I can see you again.
My beautiful melody…
A voice like an angel…
Heaven hold you high.
When my time comes to an end, I’ll return to you.
To once again capture you in my grasp, never wanting to let go…
You are my beloved that left before I could make you my bethrolled.
You are my treasure that is forever within my heart and my soul…
Until we meet again…
My soreful tradigy.
Charter of Rights Numbers 3 &4 By: Jenalle Lyddon
Charter of rights Numbers 3&4
Each day is excruciating.
Hours after hours weighs like chains upon my soul making it impossible to want to keep going.
I cry out in agonizing pain.
Tears trail down my face quietly not making a sound.
What about me?
Am I not one that deserves to live in freedom and safety?
Where does it say I’m another’s property?
Sleeping is unheard of as I lie awake at night with terror coursing through my body.
Bombs and gunshots sound so close, I want to run.
Save me please… Somebody.
Hear my silent plea, where my mouth barely moves and words hardly sound above a whisper.
I’m Human too!
Somewhere far away a voice wants to scream from the back of my head.
To break this stranglehold and to live like I’ve done something for myself…
Hiding is out of the question.
They’ll find me and take away even more than I already have.
A sleepless night is welcomed by absurd labour not my own.
As birds chirp beautiful melodies on trees so tall, my face pointed towards the sky, I wonder to myself if there’s something better than this caged life I live now.
~ Everyone no matter who they are has the Right to live in freedom and safety as well as not to be another’s property.
Each day is excruciating.
Hours after hours weighs like chains upon my soul making it impossible to want to keep going.
I cry out in agonizing pain.
Tears trail down my face quietly not making a sound.
What about me?
Am I not one that deserves to live in freedom and safety?
Where does it say I’m another’s property?
Sleeping is unheard of as I lie awake at night with terror coursing through my body.
Bombs and gunshots sound so close, I want to run.
Save me please… Somebody.
Hear my silent plea, where my mouth barely moves and words hardly sound above a whisper.
I’m Human too!
Somewhere far away a voice wants to scream from the back of my head.
To break this stranglehold and to live like I’ve done something for myself…
Hiding is out of the question.
They’ll find me and take away even more than I already have.
A sleepless night is welcomed by absurd labour not my own.
As birds chirp beautiful melodies on trees so tall, my face pointed towards the sky, I wonder to myself if there’s something better than this caged life I live now.
~ Everyone no matter who they are has the Right to live in freedom and safety as well as not to be another’s property.
Guardian Angel By; Jenalle Lyddon
Guardian Angel
I’ve watched you grow up since you were little.
You know what they did to you was wrong.
I would cry watching as I could do nothing at all.
Wanting so badly to reach out to say you can get through this, be strong.
I am here by your side tonight, just like long ago.
You were precious to me from the very start.
Years have past and nothings changed, happiness and all other emotions have left you.
Most nights I watch over you as you sleep dreaming of a better place.
Calling out shouts of ‘leave me alone’ and “stop hurting me’, break the silence of the house.
Child, have I cared for you so.
Not knowing that I am here, you cry out “I can not do this alone!’
Joy consumes me for I’ve waiting for so long.
“I am here little one, I have come.”
I’ve watched you grow up since you were little.
You know what they did to you was wrong.
I would cry watching as I could do nothing at all.
Wanting so badly to reach out to say you can get through this, be strong.
I am here by your side tonight, just like long ago.
You were precious to me from the very start.
Years have past and nothings changed, happiness and all other emotions have left you.
Most nights I watch over you as you sleep dreaming of a better place.
Calling out shouts of ‘leave me alone’ and “stop hurting me’, break the silence of the house.
Child, have I cared for you so.
Not knowing that I am here, you cry out “I can not do this alone!’
Joy consumes me for I’ve waiting for so long.
“I am here little one, I have come.”
What you thought you knew By; Jenalle Lyddon
As the days go by
I wonder why
I sit and stare out the window
As the seasons change
And we grow at a monderate rate
I watch within the shadows
They are the unknown
Ones who wait
For a chance to unleash
What we call our deepest fears
Though we tell no one
All will be reveiled
A splash of a puddle by the moon's glow
The lingering feeling of damp and cold
A shiver running down your back
The faint haze of another
Watching
Amongst the midnight sky
Hiding is what we all do best
No one can say different
Run while you can
With a pounding heart and clentching lungs
As legs and feet ache and demand rest
A world turning black as the unknown catches up
As the days go by
I wonder why
I sit and stare out the window
As the seasons change
And we grow at a monderate rate
I watch within the shadows
I am what you all run from
Hidden within each one
A falling from
The deepest pit
With no end to your
Dispare
Nightmares are the strength
In which I fathom
To the highest accord
Without unbalance
To soar amongst any depth
I will triumpth
So think of the happier times
Relinquish on the memories
Rejoyce at the time spent with those you care about
Always look to the brighter side
Try hiding what you truly feel
But just know, I can disturb those too
As the days go by
I wonder why
I sit and stare out the window
As the seasons change
And we grow at a monderate rate
I watch within the shadows
At long last
I am you
Your inner self
Waiting to counteract
When you try and get away
From yourself...
Your worst enemy.
I wonder why
I sit and stare out the window
As the seasons change
And we grow at a monderate rate
I watch within the shadows
They are the unknown
Ones who wait
For a chance to unleash
What we call our deepest fears
Though we tell no one
All will be reveiled
A splash of a puddle by the moon's glow
The lingering feeling of damp and cold
A shiver running down your back
The faint haze of another
Watching
Amongst the midnight sky
Hiding is what we all do best
No one can say different
Run while you can
With a pounding heart and clentching lungs
As legs and feet ache and demand rest
A world turning black as the unknown catches up
As the days go by
I wonder why
I sit and stare out the window
As the seasons change
And we grow at a monderate rate
I watch within the shadows
I am what you all run from
Hidden within each one
A falling from
The deepest pit
With no end to your
Dispare
Nightmares are the strength
In which I fathom
To the highest accord
Without unbalance
To soar amongst any depth
I will triumpth
So think of the happier times
Relinquish on the memories
Rejoyce at the time spent with those you care about
Always look to the brighter side
Try hiding what you truly feel
But just know, I can disturb those too
As the days go by
I wonder why
I sit and stare out the window
As the seasons change
And we grow at a monderate rate
I watch within the shadows
At long last
I am you
Your inner self
Waiting to counteract
When you try and get away
From yourself...
Your worst enemy.
Mine. By Jenalle Lyddon
The way you walk
The way you talk
Has me captivated by far
I'm so deeply in love
Though I have yet to even meet you
I try and picture what you look like but I cannot
You are my unknown
My Forever
My Soul
With smiles and laughter
The one I've been waiting for
Instantly for Eturnity
Forever mine and mine alone...
The way you talk
Has me captivated by far
I'm so deeply in love
Though I have yet to even meet you
I try and picture what you look like but I cannot
You are my unknown
My Forever
My Soul
With smiles and laughter
The one I've been waiting for
Instantly for Eturnity
Forever mine and mine alone...
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